I had a good friend make a good-natured jab at me this morning, and I thought, you know what, that hurt my feelings a little. But at the same time, it was just another drop of water over my already covered head. And I know this person absolutely didn’t mean anything by it, and would never say anything to hurt my feelings on purpose. It was just one of those, “well, here we go, what’s one more thing?” kinda moments to me.
Check out this picture.
That water pouring down….doesn’t really look like that much does it? I can catch all of that. But then it doesn’t stop coming. My hands get full. Then it starts flowing over the edges of my hands. It starts seeping through the cracks between my fingers. I’m dropping and missing more than I’m catching.
All of the things I feel like I should be taking care of and doing are pouring down on me. I am confident and think, I can do it all. But then it doesn’t stop coming. My hands get full. Then there’s stuff I’m not catching – things I’m missing completely. The things I think I’m catching start to slip through the cracks. I’m dropping and missing more than I’m catching.
Obviously my hands are only so big – I’ve tried getting a bigger bucket, but that’s when my head goes under. I’ve tried slowing the flow, but how do you stop water from running? I’ve looked for someone else to put their hands under mine to help catch the overflow, but there’s no one to be found.
I pray, “God, I want to trust You, and to surrender this all to You. But at the same time, I can’t just say, ‘Here it is, God,’ and sit and wait on You to fix it. I don’t really worry, but I can’t help but be concerned about what isn’t getting done and what is getting missed.” Part of me just wants to sit down and give up completely. But I can’t do that either. All I can do is trust that God will put His God-sized bucket under my hands and catch what I’m missing. Even if He takes it and pours it back into my hands again, that He has another bucket there to catch what I still can’t. And that when I feel like I’m drowning…
He’s there to pull me back up.
